Saturday, 22 March 2014


When I was about 16, I decided to download some porn from the computer in the corner of my bedroom. In all fairness, I'd been downloading porn on it anyway, but instead of having a specific softcore series, film or actor/actress to search for, I opened KaZaA Lite and just put "porn" into the search bar. About three hours later, a list had appeared. I chose a random one and hit "download".

The file was called "Hot anal sex". With the exception of a very brief mention in year 7 biology, anal sex hadn't really been mentioned. I didn't really know how to pronounce it, assuming it began with a hard A (as in "cat"), and didn't even really know what it was. I could guess, due to the word and all, but I'd never seen any of it happening, even in porn - whereas I'm finding it hard nowadays to find any scenes that don't involve the bum being part of the whole shebang in some way. I didn't even find the concept particularly appealing, but my thought process (which amounted to "0MGZ!!! S3KS!!1!!111!1") compelled me to click.

Thus began the download.

About five seconds after I started downloading, I got a message from someone called "hihi". I didn't know anyone named "hihi", so it took me a few seconds before beginning to compose an answer. It was a swift and brief "Hi...?", which I thought was appropriate. It then took me a few more seconds to clock that this was actually a message not through MSN. Hihi was the person who owned the file I was downloading.

"hi do u know the name of the man in this video?" said Hihi.
"Which video?" I said, innocently.
"Hot anal sex."

I quickly checked the preview of the video. I didn't recognise him. It wasn't likely that I would, to be honest; I could name a few softcore actors, but this was "Hot anal sex", and unlikely to feature anyone I'd seen on Bravo after 10pm (although there have been some crossovers - I've seen Tera Patrick in some scenes and I can remember that because I am ridiculous). I told Hihi that I was sorry, I didn't recognise him - I didn't recognise her, either, but I hoped Hihi would be able to find out.

"if u do find out who he is i would like 2 see some pics," replied Hihi. Me being me, I took this as a sign to initiate a conversation, both to pass the time and steer my attention away from the fact that somebody I didn't know was asking me about a male adult star I'd never seen via an illegal program I shouldn't have been running while anal porn was still open on my desktop.

Why is this one incident important? Well, it was the first time I'd really considered the fact that girls watch porn. Hihi was a girl who both watched and loved it, preferring anal stuff. I also hadn't considered the concept of underage people watching porn (I started when I was 12, but I didn't see any hardcore stuff until I was of legal age to actually have sex), but it turned out this girl was 14! Suddenly, I felt illicit. Hihi was from the Netherlands, where - or so I'd heard - there was sex ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE and the sex education programme was so good that everyone was talking about sex ALL THE TIME, but that doesn't take anything away from the fact that I was downloading anal porn from a 14-year-old.

I had no idea what to do. I closed the conversation window and sat there just thinking. I'd come far enough to complete the download, even if I was 99% sure I wasn't going to enjoy "Hot anal sex" based upon the preview I'd seen. I was on edge, not wanting to appear rude to Hihi, who had shared so much with a complete stranger via a p2p network. She probably did this a lot. I'd imagine a lot of people did. I didn't tend to - but then again, I mostly downloaded softcore stuff. But... but she was 14. I finished the download, and was about to click off the program before I paused.

I opened a dialogue window to Hihi. "If I find out who this guy is, I'll tell you," I typed at the speed of light, and then closed the program just in case anyone who happened to be standing directly behind me in my locked bedroom at 11pm saw me.

I didn't recognise him, so I never either got back to her or attempted to. But I did try to identify him, actually. Why? Because her one question had piqued my curiosity.

And I like being curious.

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