"Ow! Ffffff... aaaaah!"
I'd been sitting cross-legged on the bed for at least half an hour, completely absorbed in Where Am I Now? by Mara Wilson. This comes after my girlfriend, also lacking the ability to sleep at an appropriate time, had suggested "ten minutes of reading" to aid relaxation (and alleviate boredom). As I eventually made to lie down (for the fourth time that night, hoping this would be The One That Makes Me Sleep), I let out the above noise.
"My leg has gone to sleep," I grunted through gritted teeth. As the millions of nerve endings crackled back into life, I hauled myself into a lying position, facing away from her. It was incredibly painful.
"Mrrrrrrah!" I added.
"My other leg has also gone to sleep."
I used my hands to haul the second dead leg over the first, in order to be more comfortable. This was a futile effort, in any case, since I ended up looking less like a human being with pins and needles, and more like an unconscious spider.
"I need an orgasm," she decided, rolling out of bed to grab a sex toy from the various places we have them stashed around the room.
"I've just turned away from you," I breathed, "and now I have to turn back over to watch you having an orgasm..."
"Well, you don't need to watch me having an orgasm..."
"But I want to watch you come! I think it's hot!"
As I tried to use my mind to will my limbs back into life, she slid into place with a buzzing Womanizer in hand. I struggled and wriggles, but even a millimetre of movement was uncomfortable. Her free hand was lazily stroking my shoulder, which felt nice, but hardly helped.
"C'mere," she said, seductively. "I want to play with you."
I rolled my whole body over in an explosion of sparks, some of pain, some of lust. It was difficult to tell which was which.
"Rrrrrrrrrrrr. Okay, what do I do?" I panted.
"Put your finger there," she simply said, taking my hand with hers and guiding it to the spot just below her clit, the Womanizer already rumbling away.
So I did, the tingling in my thighs becoming softer and softer as I pressed my finger down, forgetting anything but the warmth of her slit, the pulse between my own thighs, and the increasing pace of her breath... as my halo began to glow softly in the gathering darkness.