Sunday, 28 January 2018

Soft Porn Sunday: Tina New & Jarod Carey

Among the glut of shiny, inoffensive sexy programmes that UK cable viewers got (and let's not forget the fact that they were all American imports - so they had to be syndicated to make it over here: a difficult task to begin with considering what I assume to be relatively low viewing figures), Passion Cove stood out. It had a fair amount of sex (unlike Red Shoe Diaries), managed to make it both hot and funny (unlike Compromising Situations), and wasn't heteronormatively, over-binarily, gender-definingly billed as 'women's entertainment' like Bedtime Stories (although that's not their fault... I loved Bedtime Stories too...).

The only thing that I wasn't too fond of in regard to Passion Cove was their propensity to use actors familiar from other softcore studios - mainly Surrender, but they used others. Kira Reed, Amber Newman, Susan Hale, Mia Zottoli, Regina Russell, Holly Sampson and Flower Edwards all turned up - as did Brian Heidik and "good ol' Jason Schnuit" - plus a number of older stars like Keri Windsor, Kim Dawson and Caroline Ambrose (in a non-sexual rĂ´le as Samantha, the woman who owned the place). Into this rotating hurdy-gurdy of skin and curiously hairless body types some tangentially connected, but loose plotlines, are thrown... which, with any luck, we will completely forget about, as with Passion Cove, there's no important message at all hidden behind the softcore sheen.

Appearance: Passion Cove, Series 2: "The Bet" (2001)
Characters: Dusty & Paolo

"Hey, let's watch our friend have sex. That's not creepy AT ALL." 
This episode is discernable on account of the fact that it has a memorable plot to frame the episode, although it's a relatively weak one. Wealthy, successful, unreasonably attractive singletons Cassidy (Gabriella Hall, another Surrender regular), Dusty (New) and Mona (Judy Moulton) are all staying at Passion Cove when Machop Machoke Machamp handyman Paolo turns up. Suddenly all desperate for penis and floppy hair, the three friends make a bet that they can all seduce him in different ways. This happens, and they all end up having sex with Paolo (often while the others engage in casual voyeurism and watch!) at one point. Every day is Christmas!

I seem to recall it ending with everyone laughing, although I think that's how every episode ended. Or maybe that's The New Adventures of Robin Hood. Probably both.

There are three sex scenes in this episode, and they're all hot. Officially, my favourite is Mona/Paolo, which happens on a kitchen table and involves the rather callous disposal of salad, while Cassidy/Paolo is soft, warm and involves some very loud "fuck you"s to the other girls (in the form of "oooooh, Paolo!"). I didn't actually get around to watching Dusty/Paolo until quite recently, and then yesterday I found myself having a massive orgasm to it. Funny how these things work, isn't it?

Paolo, played by Jarod Carey, is - predictably - a very attractive man, if you're into that sort of thing.
"SHINY! Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck..."
He's not my type - but then again, I'm straight, so he wouldn't be - but he's all muscles, shiny dark hair and smiles, and puts in a fairly enthusiastic performance for someone whose character boils down to "cock with a hunk hanging off the end". He also doesn't appear to own a shirt, although judging by this, neither does Dusty, as played by Tina New, who spends most of the episode in a bikini, although she dispenses of it pretty quickly once this scene starts.


Tina New, by the way, is beautiful - a pretty, curvaceous redhead, but realistic enough to be believable - as are Gabriella Hall and Judy Moulton, who spend their time standing on a very obvious balcony watching. Given that this is Passion Cove, everything happens in the sun, outside, by a swimming pool, under a clear blue sky, with some lush greenery surrounding everything. It's all very pretty - and not just the actors - and that's matched only by the music, which is sparkly, twinkly and kind of swooshy at times (very professional musician terms there) and carries the scene gently through from commencement to conclusion. Certainly something I want to be watching during a January in London, anyway.

Sometimes there are boobs.
All this aside, what I like about this scene is that it is incredibly sequential. It could all be filmed in one shot - although it isn't; what is this, The West Wing? - as it's very fluid. We start with kisses - quite a lot of them, too, and they seem quite genuine (some soft porn kisses are brief, but these look heartfelt). This all happens while Dusty is disrobing, or at least Paolo is doing so for her, although she isn't wearing much to begin with. Her breasts are in shot by fifteen seconds in; he's kissing her cleavage by 33; and she's on her back by 42. It sounds like a rush, but it isn't - Paolo still has his jeans on by this point. They're just changing positions to make out some more, and even though Paolo removes her pants at 00:52, it's still going to be a while before they start to have sex.

So don't worry.

It's at this point that he begins to deliver soft porn cunnilingus, which is often difficult to simulate, but they manage it by having his head in between her legs and superimposing some kiss sound effects (which isn't as gross as I just made it sound, I promise). His hair helps hide anything vital, and Dusty arches her back and makes the "this is pleasurable" face, so it's at least a little believable. It is at this point that Cassidy and Mona wander in and watch while spouting dialogue, but it keeps them on the screen from a bird's-eye view, making sure our focus is on what's happening, rather than what isn't. Huzzah, actually good porn!

Oh man, I need a holiday.

One minute and fifty of kisses, rubbing skin and fairly dedicated oral sex later and he finally takes his trousers off (he doesn't appear to be wearing pants! Does he not own any of those either? How much do they pay these handymen?) and they begin to have sex, in the missionary position (which makes sense, since they were already kind of there anyway). The occasional grimace aside, this bit has a lot of intensity to it - fluid, sensuous rocks back and forth from both Paolo and Dusty, a closeness to their bodies that you rarely get to see, and just the right amount of movement. Enough, but not too much.

They're also not skimpy with the camera angles, either. It's very clear what they're doing.

And that's all they need to do. Kisses, clothes off, more kisses, some rubbing, some oral, and sex. Like
Just to make it clear: SEX!
I said, it's sequential. It's almost like it isn't overthought, and maybe that works to its credit. They're not a couple, friends with benefits, or having an affair: they're just hot people having sex with each other, mostly because they can, and the throwaway nature of that set-up belies the fact that there's a kind of sweet, natural rhythm to the way their bodies move and the way it's framed. Yes, it's outside and spacious and they are being watched, but it's also very intimate. And I love that.


And then they fall into the pool. Because of course they do. There's a pool there. It's a rule, or something.

2 comments:

angie said...

Lovely! This made me giggle and gave me quite a bit of relief to know without a shred of doubt that no, really, couples are not living the fantasy all the time

Innocent Loverboy said...

Hey, yeah, thanks for your comment, but this post isn't about couples or fantasy-living, and since your display name links to a webcam site, I suspect this comment is spam.

I'm leaving it up, though, since it doesn't hurt anyone, but if you're going to comment again - even to promote your webcam site - please at least make it relevant to the post you've just read.