Wednesday, 7 March 2018


In Russ Meyer's penultimate skin flick, 1979's Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens (his last, if you don't count Pandora Peaks), main character and huge pair of breasts Lavonia Shed frequently shouts "more cock!" during sex.

Presumably I knew this before the age of eighteen, but I don't recall doing so. Beneath the Valley... had a profound effect on me in my mid-teens, managing to catch it twice on Bravo. It's responsible for my first orgasm, plenty of successive orgasms, and some incredibly unrealistic expectations of what sex involves. It wasn't until I was legally old enough to buy it - I was in my first year at university at the time - that I managed to get all the references, and notice that, despite all the skin, there's a very important message hiding behind the softcore sheen.

I also didn't remember Lavonia's vocalisations during all the sex she has (and, seeing as how she's played by Kitten Natividad, that's quite a lot). I remembered all the screams, but I didn't remember the banter with Mr. Peterbuilt, the conversational make-up sex with her husband Lamar, or she and salesman Semper Fidelis making love in rhyming couplets. Nor did I remember "more cock!", but it is true - she shouts it in practically every sex scene, with some variation:

More! More cock! Give it to me! I want it - give me more cock!

And at one point:

¡Ay ay ay ay! ¡Gringo no call me Lola! ¡Lola no call me Gringo! ¡Coque mi!

In any case, I exposed myself to Kitten Natividad as Lavonia multiple times during my first year. I preferred Emmanuelle, to be honest, but I prized my copy of Beneath the Valley... highly, and the occasional references amused me greatly, from hanging onto my bass drum for support because I was laughing so much at my band playing Old-Time Religion to grinning myself inside out at the Anvil Chorus or Prince Igor playing as part of the music mix at my first job. And, of course, pretty much every time I heard the word "more!" ejaculated, I mentally added "cock!" I want it - give me more cock!

At one point during the film (several times, actually), Lavonia appends, "I love it!" to her already-rhapsodic adoration of cock. It's brutal, insofar as her delivery is concerned. And, for a while, "I love it!" became a catchphrase of mine - mostly because only I found it funny. And I used it to encourage myself, too. Just before an exam, I wrote myself a note of encouragement:

This test.
This English test.
I am going to ace it.
I am going to ace this test, this English test.
I am going to ace it.
I love it.

And after a few seconds, I added:

(More cock, etc.)

But why did it come back to me today? Truly, I've no real idea. I didn't at any point ask anyone for more or tell them I loved it. I didn't even speak fake Spanish. I spent most of the day on my feet, pausing only to guzzle some chocolate someone left in the break room or perch on the side of a desk because I was hurting so badly. I also said goodbye to some of my very favourite clients. Beneath the Valley... shouldn't have been on my mind at all.

But it was.

Maybe I just really love cock.

No comments: